7 Therapist-Recommended Communication Exercises for Couples
Takeaway: You’ve probably heard that communication is key–and it’s true! At the same time, clear, healthy communication can be easier said than done. These free couples communication exercises can give you the guidance you need to have more effective conversations.
Communication is bound to break down from time to time, even when you have the best of intentions. However, frequent fights, hurt feelings, or miscommunications can take a toll on your relationship.
Thankfully, these communication exercises for couples can help you strengthen your communication skills, increasing the likelihood that conversations will go smoother and that you'll feel heard and supported by each other.
Know that these skills take practice and effort. However, with some time and patience, you'll have the skills (and confidence) you need to communicate effectively with your partner, as well as other people in your life.
Let's dive in.
Understanding the role of communication in relationships
Clear, healthy communication is an essential part of any relationship—including romantic relationships. However, this can be easier said than done, especially if you didn't see effective communication skills modeled in your home.
The good news is that it's possible to learn communication skills. In fact, I highly recommend it. While studies suggest that positive communication doesn't necessarily cause relationship satisfaction, the two are highly correlated.
Strong communication can have both individual and mutual benefits as well. On a personal level, clear, assertive communication can ensure that your feelings and needs are being expressed. While this doesn't guarantee that you'll get what you need from your partner every time, it certainly increases the likelihood. If you hold your thoughts in or use indirect or passive-aggressive communication, there's a much lower chance you'll be heard.
Plus, clear communication between couples can help you better understand each other and help you both feel more connected to each other, increasing your emotional intimacy.
Common communication challenges couples face
While each couple is unique, there are plenty of common communication challenges that people in romantic relationships experience. Before we dive into strategies for improving communication, let's explore some of the struggles that couples face.
Here, my goal is to reassure you that you're not alone if you experience these—not compare you to other couples or tell you what your problems are.
Let's take a look at common breakdowns associated with poor communication.
Unresolved conflict
Without effective conflict resolution skills, past issues get swept under the rug. This can build resentment, and those feelings can bubble up at unexpected times (and maybe more intensely than you'd expect).
Trouble listening
Partners can sometimes struggle to feel heard as well. Distractions like phones or TV can play a role, as well as a lack of active listening skills. If this sounds like you, don't worry—I'll share some relationship communication exercises for active listening in a moment!
Making assumptions
If you and your partner aren't well-versed in clear, assertive communication, you may tend to make assumptions about what the other means. You may try to read each other's minds or expect the other person to read your mind. This can cause frustration and disconnection.
Communication differences
Even if you're both familiar with healthy communication skills, you may have two different styles of communication. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can lead to miscommunications and hurt feelings if you're not aware of each other's differences.
7 couples therapy exercises for communication
These effective communication exercises can help you cultivate a healthy relationship with your partner. While they're not quick fixes, practicing these skills over time can help you both feel heard.
1. Active listening exercise
When you think of the word "communication," you may automatically think of speaking or expressing yourself in some other way. This is certainly part of the equation, but listening is just as important.
With this communication exercise, I recommend setting a timer for five minutes (or another timeframe that works for you both). During this time, one partner will speak while the listening partner demonstrates active listening skills.
This can be done through body language (think: nodding and making eye contact) as well as mirroring what the other person says (e.g. "I hear you saying that this situation at work is really weighing on you).
After the five minutes is up, you'll switch roles.
2. "I" statement exercise
Using "I" statements can help couples express themselves more directly while avoiding blame. For example, the statement "You ruined the night by missing our dinner reservation," lands much differently than "I felt hurt and upset when you missed our dinner reservation."
The "I" statement clearly expresses your emotion, and your partner may be more likely to hear you without getting defensive if you focus on how you feel instead of what they did wrong.
3. Assertive communication exercise
Using an "I" statement is one example of assertive communication. However, there are plenty of other ways to be clear and confident in expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
Check out this worksheet from Therapist Aid that shares specific assertive communication exercises. You and your partner can go through the worksheet together, or you can practice on your own before trying these out with each other.
4. Conflict resolution exercise
All couples experience conflict from time to time. While these instances can be painful, they're also opportunities to repair your relationship and grow stronger together.
Next time you and your partner have a fight, I recommend taking some space from the conversation since things can get heated in the moment. Once you both have calmed down, decide on a time and place to revisit the conflict.
During your set conflict resolution time, try using "I" statements and other assertive communication exercises to pinpoint the problem. From here, you can work together to brainstorm solutions.
5. Stress-reducing conversation exercise
This is a couples communication exercise from the Gottman method, which is a form of couples counseling. Here, you and your partner will take turns talking about a life stressor and offering each other emotional support. You'll also actively check in with each other throughout the conversation to make sure that the partner sharing feels supported.
If you're not quite sure what this looks like, check out this handout that includes a role-play scenario and sample questions to ask each other.
6. Appreciation exercise
Not all marriage communication exercises need to focus on hurt feelings and conflict resolution! It's also important to practice communication exercises during times of relative peace and harmony.
I recommend carving out time to tell each other what you enjoy about each other or what you're grateful for. You can still use the tools you've learned (like "I" statements) here, but the point here is to focus on the positive.
7. Written communication exercise
Verbal communication is important, but practicing written communication skills can also help strengthen your connection. Try writing letters to each other to express gratitude, share your feelings about a particular issue in your relationship, or practice assertive communication skills.
A therapist's perspective
Hopefully, these communication exercises for couples can help you and your partner listen to each other and express yourselves effectively.
If you're just starting to work on improving communication in your relationship, it can feel overwhelming. Start by picking one strategy from this list and practicing it several times before trying another one.
It's also important to remind yourself that it takes time and practice to improve communication. It can be hard to change your behavior, and it won't happen overnight. Be patient with yourself (and your partner) and the results will come.
I also recommend working with a mental health professional to get support during this process. Couples therapy can help, but I also encourage you to consider individual therapy for relationships. This provides you with a safe space to do your own internal work outside of the context of your relationship.
Plus, individual therapy for relationships can help even if you're not currently in a romantic relationship. Healthy communication is important in all kinds of relationships!
As a therapist myself, I specialize in helping women better understand their needs, values, and emotions. From here, they can more easily develop the skills they need to build healthy, fulfilling relationships.
If you're interested in learning more about working together, I invite you to reach out. I help women in both Minnesota and Wisconsin, and offer free consultations so you can get a sense of whether we're the right fit. I look forward to connecting with you!