The Weight of Compassionate Leadership on Executive Women

“How do you as a CEO not take on every employee's feelings or know they're having a bad day and not take that to heart?”

Sophia is the CEO of a multi-million dollar healthcare organization. She held executive positions at other organizations before finding one that aligned with her desire to make a difference in people’s lives.

“I keep being told that it's that I care that makes me a great leader,” says Sophia

Sophia Is right in thinking this:

According to this systematic review in the National Library of Medicine, “The synthesis of practical implications in these studies re-emphasizes the fact that empathy, understanding, and self-compassion are critical elements in creating a positive work environment and achieving better outcomes, success, and well-being of individuals, teams, and organizations”.

And she is not alone:

“Feeling emotionally supported serves us as humans at work and outside of work. I just hope it makes people happier in general. Because I think happy humans do the best work.” says Emily, the CEO of a digital marketing company.

“I give my team a lot of autonomy and I like to talk with them on a daily basis to make sure they're feeling okay. It's more of an emotional way of guiding my team,” says Isabella, a senior product director of a large healthcare company.

The same compassion that makes Sophia a good leader also causes her some hardship:

“How do I find the balance of really caring and not letting it burden me or take me down?” says Sophia.

Sophia has recognized that she is starting to take on too much of a burden and if it continues, it may not be sustainable. She is wise to realize this. As a mental health therapist, I have seen firsthand what happens when leaders allow themselves to get too deep into their employees' lives or when they do not take adequate care of themselves. If not attended to, this can lead to compassion fatigue. It is important for female leaders to seek help prior to developing compassion fatigue because healing from it can be time-consuming and disruptive to their personal and professional lives.

For Olivia, CFO of an investment company, compassion for her employees crosses over into her pocketbook:

“As a CFO, I see the finances and realize we need to make some pay cuts, or we need to lay off some people. I've just cut my own pay or I've been given a bonus and decided to give half of it to people on my staff” says Olivia.

When I work with compassionate leaders who are feeling burdened by their employees' issues, we start by focusing on building more effective boundaries, developing self-care routines, and improving their support networks.

It’s not always easy for women to do this.

According to Kimberly Duffy, a registered dietitian, personal trainer, and owner of Strength and Nutrition, engaging in self-care often comes with guilt.

 “I think as women, we so often feel guilty because we are not making ourselves a hundred percent available to care for other people. And so when we do take that time for ourselves to invest in our health, we feel guilty because there's so much more we should be doing. Self-care is such a huge piece, realizing that it shouldn't be something that you feel guilty for, that you are putting that time into your health so that you can be a happier person and a more well-balanced person for your family,” says Kimberly.

Much of the time when I work with clients on guilt as a barrier to self-care, we delve into their past life events that contribute to their personal narrative. This helps them to grow as a leader in even more ways.

If you resonate with Sophia, here are some things you can do to stave off compassion fatigue:

• Carve out time on a daily basis to focus on yourself. This can take many forms such as exercise, nutrition, hobbies, or meditation.

• When an employee is suffering and you are tempted to be their sounding board, help them expand their support network instead. For example, you could direct them to your employee assistance program or recommend they see a grief counselor.

• Create an end-of-workday ritual that includes entrusting your employees and their loved ones with the wisdom to solve their own issues. Or, if you believe in a higher power, ask the higher power to care for your employees as they navigate their issues.

Note: The names of the female executives cited in this article were changed to protect their privacy and the privacy of their companies.

It is not uncommon for compassionate leaders to feel stressed from hearing about their employee’s personal issues. If you are having a difficult time managing this on your own, consider seeing a therapist, like myself, who specializes in working with female leaders. Together, we can figure out a personalized self-care plan for you so you can continue to be successful in your important role.

Check out my About Page to learn more!