You Don’t Have to Be in a Romantic Relationship to Enjoy Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is not fun for everyone
Valentine’s Day is one of those recognized days that is geared toward people that are in a particular place in their lives. If you are in a love relationship, then Valentine’s Day can be lots of fun. But if not, then not so much. New Year’s is another one. If you are in a place in your life where you can invite people over, get invited to someone else’s house, or pay for a New Year’s Eve bash, then yes. But if not, then not so much.
When you are not in a romantic relationship, Valentine’s Day can be hard because it may remind you that you are alone, bring up memories of someone you lost, or remind you of past mistakes. It can also make you feel inadequate in the eyes of a society that reveres relationships. But Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a total downer, you can make it fun for yourself.
Here’s an idea of how to do that:
A couple of weeks before the day, spend some time noticing the feelings you have about the day. You can use a comprehensive feelings list to identify specific feelings, such as resentment, regret, grief, longing, and defeat. In addition, notice where you feel the feeling in your body. Is there tightness in your chest? Does your stomach feel woozy? Spend a few minutes just feeling the feelings.
Then, get up and start planning:
Make a list of 3 or more activities that you enjoy doing alone and that you enjoy doing with other people. If you can’t think of any activities, think of things you liked to do in the past, even when you were a child. This might help you think of something similar that you could do now.
Make a list of people you know that may also be feeling this way about Valentine’s Day (it’s ok if you can’t think of anyone, you have your list of things you like to do alone).
Contact one person on your list and ask them if they would like to do one of the activities on your list. If they aren’t available, move on to the next person. Keep doing this until you have exhausted the list. If the prospect of doing this seems scary, you are not alone. It can be hard to be vulnerable and ask people to do things with you. In times like this, it might help to do this exercise:
List all the thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and urges that you have when you imagine doing the task.
Decide if you are willing to do the task while experiencing these things. For example, can you still make the phone call even though you feel scared, think the person will be annoyed, your stomach is churning, and you have the urge to go hide under the covers?
If no one is available or you can’t think of anyone, choose one or more activities you like to do alone and prepare ahead of time to ensure it is a rewarding time. For example, if I like making bread, I will find a recipe, purchase the ingredients, make a playlist to listen to, and plan to share it with someone.
Make a list of at least 3 people who would benefit from receiving a Valentine’s Day card from you. These could be family members, friends, nursing home residents, homeless children, military personnel, or someone else. Then, pick out Valentine’s Day cards and send them to these 3 people. (Be sure to main them with enough time to get there on or before February 14th!)
Then, on Valentine’s Day, do your activity and decide to have fun!