When Anxiety Gets in the Way: How Executive Women Navigate Work/Life Balance
“I'm always sort of pulling back on the balance thing, because what happens is when it gets a little slow, then I kind of get a little anxious. I want to dive into something else.”
Janet is the CFO of a financial company. Her leadership style is collaborative, and she is passionate about both getting results and supporting the professional growth of her staff, yet when it comes to her own work/life balance, something gets in the way.
“What is preventing me from achieving a more balanced life? It's probably a bit of a security blanket”, says Janet.
Janet was divorced when her child was young. Her child is now an adult, which gives Janet more time to pursue new hobbies. However, she finds that it feels more comfortable to fill this time with work projects than to find new interests that she could do in her free time.
According to research done by the Pew Research Center, “In both business and politics, majorities say women are better than men when it comes to being compassionate and empathetic, and substantial shares say women are better at working out compromises and standing up for what they believe in.”
As a STEM professional turned therapist & recovering workaholic, I am fully aware of how easy it is for female execs to throw themselves into work after the kids leave home and the marriage ends. While this pattern serves us in the middle of our careers, it leaves us lost, alone and anxious as retirement looms.
I am passionate about helping executive women find passion and purpose beyond the four walls of their office.
“I think what I would say is that it's kind of lonely at the top and I haven't found those people and sought out those relationships where I can have those open and honest conversations. But it's like you're playing your tiny violin when you own and run the business. But it doesn't mean that it's still not hard.”, says Annie
Attributing her work ethic to growing up on a farm, Annie became an executive at a young age. Now that she has succeeded in building an independently functioning team, she has time to reflect on other parts of her life that are missing. For many highly ambitious women, their social lives take a back seat. Not only that, but there is much public praise and professional rewards for doing so. Thus, when it comes time to focus on other areas of life, it can be very difficult to figure out where to start.
Gail Cooper Zack, business coach and President of Applause, Inc. is well aware of the difficulties that midlife executive women face. She stated that “women who are in their fifties and sixties with grandchildren and elderly parents often can tell you how many years before they can retire. And then they come back and say, but I love my work. And so I'll say, well, couldn't you just go part-time? Couldn't you ease out? And they say, no, I have to be full-time or nothing. And I just think that's so wrong and so difficult for someone to suddenly have all this time on their hands”
For Janet, getting in touch with who she was outside of her professional ambition led to a profound shift.
Janet further shared what she would do if she could get over the anxiety she feels when not working: “bringing a little bit more of the things that I'm personally more interested in into my life. I know at 62, we can start taking classes at the U for free. I'd definitely like to travel more. You know, maybe just having more time to read.”
Here are some things that executive women can start doing on their own to create balance in their lives:
During slow periods at work, commit to working 4 hours less per week, preferably all at one time such as taking Wednesday afternoon off. Let your team know that this is what you are going to do and have your top performer cover for you. You may have to scale into this and that’s okay. During this time off, do something by yourself that you enjoy such as visiting an art or history museum, hiking, doing a craft, baking bread, or reading with a cup of tea. Grapple with the experience of spending time alone with yourself while doing something you enjoy. Notice any negative thoughts or feelings that come up, then refocus your attention on the sights, sounds, and smells around you.
Once a week for a month, journal about what you are grateful for, what you fear, and what improvements you would like to make in your life.
Note: The names of the female executives cited in this article were changed to protect their privacy and the privacy of their companies.
If you are struggling with managing anxiety on your own using techniques such as this, consider seeing a therapist like myself who specializes in anxiety.
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